Wednesday, February 11, 2009

It finally struck me when you told me you have feelings for him.

In an instant, I felt empty, I felt pain. The agony I was upon slowly drained what little life that's left of me.

I feel like I aged a thousand times then suddenly felt alone in world which calls this day a thing of the past or history.
Just memories buried in the grave of thought, only to either be exhumed in a latter time or be forgotten forever..

Posted at 05:57 pm by alterego
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Thursday, March 13, 2008

Sometimes were afraid of change. Afraid to take that first step into a world we thought never existed. A world or life entirely different from what we've been used to. Afraid that after the change, all things would never work out the way we wanted them to be, wishing that you could take back that first step, that first glimpse, of the new life we are so eager to get hold of.

But then again all things our race have achieved would have never been really achieved if it wasn't for those brave souls who took the chance, who risked everything, who took that first step, into something entirely different from what they've been used to, to find out what could happen, if they ventured into a new world, where they can start all over again, where they can forget everything from the old world, and do something entirely different from what they used to do, and be something entirely different from what they used to be...

Posted at 06:11 pm by alterego
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Saturday, February 23, 2008

I've been struck blind sided not knowing what hit me. Caught by surprise, left only with the feeling and vivid memory of a dream I wouldn't have imagined would've crossed my sub-conscious mind, after all these years we've grown as strangers, even from each others recognition. It seems as though something has to be done, or something shouldn't be done, with something that seemed so real, felt real but is not. I have yet to unfold, what lies ahead. Should I go forth with what I want or should I stay and let it all be gone? These things I need to figure out, before I realize that I should've done what I should've done, when all hope is gone, and never will I be given another one…

Posted at 01:10 am by alterego
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Sunday, February 03, 2008
a fresh start

Though it pains me not to think of what used to be, I must go on with my life. I cannot ponder on memories that would only be just memories and would stay as no more than memories of wonderful things I know I can no longer have. I must bury these memories in the deepest depths of my mind leaving no mark, no way of distinguishing it when the time comes I stare blankly and fail not to think of it. For what joy and happiness these memories brings to me comes the unrelenting sadness and depression of knowing that it can be no more than memories and its going stay as it is, till I breathe my last breath in this mortal world, we were supposed to leave, when we ran out of hope to live…

Posted at 05:45 pm by alterego
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Sunday, November 25, 2007
the end...

things we can think of,

thoughts we cannot get rid of,

the what ifs that usually pops out of our minds every time it takes us back to memories stored in the deepest depths of our mind, long thought to have been forgotten, then vividly remembering every single detail of everything we've gone through, and only then we realize that we have made the wrong decision,

that we were too hasty and too eager,

to do what we wanted,

that we didn't even think of, what would happen after we make that one decision,

after the thought became a sound, that could be deciphered by anyone who would hear it.

the consequences that awaits us, after we've made that one decision, which in no way we could take back no matter how much we wanted to...

Posted at 01:33 am by alterego
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Saturday, October 27, 2007

her eyes glared as he stared at them. he couldn't think of anything better than what he  is holding in his arms at that time. how he wished the moment would never end, and how he would give-up anything or everything he has just to be with her again... its been over a year now since they parted ways. at first he was the one thats so eager to be away from her. he said it would be better for both of them if they stopped seeing or talking with each other. but the eagerness to be away from her changed as time went by. little by little, he began to miss her. her smile, the way she laughs at his stupidy, the way she reacts when she saw him for the first time after a very long week, the distinct smell of her cologne, the way she walks, the way her body felt when they are against each other.. everything about her...

Posted at 03:14 am by alterego
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Friday, October 12, 2007

it hurts so much to know that the one you love is with someone else. that you cant be together no matter what you do, no matter how much you wanted to. that  you have to go through hard things alone, without anyone to comfort you, to be with you...

it even hurts just to think of her, remembering how she looked like when she smiled, how her body felt when you held her in your arms... and even thought how hard you try, you just cant get her off your mind, because even though how much it hurts, you know that theres still a chance for you to be happy by thinking of her, even for just a fraction of a second, you'd go through sorrow and pain, because seeing her vivid image smiling back at you is enough for you to suffer, the tormenting pain thinking of her brings to you...

Posted at 05:05 am by alterego
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Thursday, October 11, 2007

if i stay here, would you go near me? would you run away with me and just forget the past?

if i go near, would you talk to me? would you tell me you need me and that you still care?

i never thought i would feel this way, after all these years we've been away.

it takes forever to go through a day, thinking of what could've happened, if our decisions weren't the same.

Posted at 09:20 am by alterego
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Monday, October 08, 2007

I never thought about this day, when I would walk in the middle of the night, without you here beside me. I've always thought that life would be better after we parted ways, but all hopes were gone, when I remembered the days, we were still with each other, doing almost everything together. We were happy back then, excitement filled our hearts when we were about to see each other. No words can describe the look in our faces when we see each other after a few days of not being together. I should have swallowed my pride, and be satisfied, with what I have, what I had… I only thought about my self, what I wanted, what I thought I needed... and all these things I regret doing, even thinking about, for these things are thought by a selfish mind, only thinking about himself, without even realizing that there's more to life than what he wants and what he only cares about. It's true that it is only in the end that we realize that what we really wanted and needed is just right beside us. It's only the end that we regret what we did. And by following what we thought was the right thing to do, we end up empty handed, without anything at all…

Posted at 03:39 am by alterego
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Sunday, March 04, 2007

    I feel so helpless knowing that I can do nothing to make your pain go away… I want to help but how? It seems as though faith brought us together, to be friends, to be there when one needs help, when one feels sad, when one needs someone to cry upon, when one feels so alone in this world that’s full of sorrow and pain…

    I never wanted to ask you questions involving him, but I couldn’t help but notice that you barely talked about him. I was curious. Was he real? What’s going on between them? Are they still together? Time sure went by quickly.. the other day we don’t know each other, the next day I cant stop talking to you. I felt at ease when im with you. I feel like I could tell you everything I know, I can think of and how I feel, but at this point in time, I think it would be better if I hold my feelings… just for now, keep them within me, hide them a little longer, so it wont ruin anything or everything…



Posted at 09:36 pm by alterego
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